Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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