i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
