6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
