remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize