Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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