How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
