I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
