I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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