i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just forgot I was standing up.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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