This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
