I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
