I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
