I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Girls should come with a carfax report
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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