Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
