i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
