i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
