You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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