She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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