It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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