Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
