Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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