O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
