I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
