and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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