Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
