If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
