My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
