coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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