Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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