Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
