WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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