i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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