ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
