everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
zippers are such a cool invention
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
