I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
