im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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