please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Randomize