just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
