3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
They are going to name an STD after you.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
