Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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