I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
