we have officially lost it.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
