she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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