I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
