R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
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