Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
