I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
