i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
