Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
