i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
