so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
