Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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