I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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