I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
