i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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