Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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