we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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