I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
