I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
