I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
