This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
