I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I believe in your delicious
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
