I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
