It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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