She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
