i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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