when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
