I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
