He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
