I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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