new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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