She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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