You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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