well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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