I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
