naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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