Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
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I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I can't turn off my feet"
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
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