Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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