A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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